THERE. It is written – my very first word; I wasn’t sure how to begin blog entry numero uno, so I pulled a fancy word out of the mental filing cabinet to get the ball rolling. ~Lackadaisical~ a lovely sounding word really, all whimsical and bumpy, and it almost has the word “daisy” in it, which is wonderful.
However, let’s keep things in context.
I was being reprimanded by my manager in her office yesterday (I’m a server at a restaurant), and midway through the conversation, she referred to me as lackadaisical. I attempted not to flinch – I might have nodded in agreement. Truthfully, I did not know what the word meant, but judging by the seriousness in her tone, I knew she was not in fact referring to me as a delicate flower.
Anyway, the conversation ended, and I scurried off to the break room to google the damn word.
Lackadaisical: Lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy.
My cheeks reddened from embarrassment – is that really what the woman who signs my paychecks thought of me? Lacking ENTHUSIASM?? No DETERMINATION?? … LAZY?!? For the rest of my shift, I felt like I had a giant marquee sign on my forehead continuously revolving these words in little neon lights.
So what if I spend more time in the break room checking my Snapchat updates than I do checking on my tables? So what if I once called out of work because I woke up still drunk from the night before? So what if I don’t know if the sea scallops are gluten-free? Does that really make me a bad worker?
Shit, I thought. I see her point. But after incessantly dissecting the situation since yesterday, I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem isn’t me as a person, it’s the fact that I’m stuck at a job I hate. Almost all of us have had to go through the ordeal of working jobs we find miserable for the sake of bringing home money – what we don’t realize, is just how much this routine can drain us of our personalities and our positive energy. It becomes ritualistic – this feeling of dreading the next eight hours, forcing ourselves to deal with it, and releasing this negative tension by complaining or becoming irritable or just plain LAZY and UNENTHUSIASTIC.
I am not an unmotivated person. I have goals and a vision for my future that greatly exceeds where I’m at right now – however, the road to success is never paved smoothly. And I will never let anyone’s perception of me define me, because perceptions simply aren’t real. People form their perceptions of you based on their own life experiences and their own personalities, so remember that you are who you want to be, not what everyone else says you are. MORAL OF THE STORY: Don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang (Mean Girls fans should connect to this on a spiritual level).
Anyway, I put my two weeks notice in this morning. Stupid? Perhaps. But I can’t help but feel liberated all at once.
